16 with an MRI & HOPE

So I haven't written on here in forever but now I am. Your blog shouldn't be something you make yourself write in, it should be beneficial for yourself as well as others. If I don't have something to say then I'm not going to write something I'm half okay with just to see the blog stats go up. That's not what my writing is about. 

This week has been tough. First I had a bad cold, then in turned into something like a horrible flu which I had for three days and made me miss Wednesday and Thursday. The days of two APUSH tests and a Pre-Calc test. Along with this flu-like-whatever-was-going-on in my body, I've been dealing with daily headaches and severe neck, back, and shoulder pain for about 10 months, ever since my car accident the day after this past New Years. Yesterday I went to see the Neurologist and found out that nothing is wrong with my brain that's causing my pain, it's muscles. (Which is really good that I don't have nerve damage or something wrong with my brain because that's serious business!) But that had to do an MRI anyways just to make sure. I'm not even going to go into the whole MRI business, it was torture.

The thing is, I feel like gjklgnlgfjkjsgsf WHY AM I NOT BETTER????? If it is muscles then I should be better by now! I mean for PETE'S SAKE I'M ON 16 NOT 64!!!!! even though I should be rejoicing that nothing more severe is wrong with me. But my pain is still here. It's not going away right away and it's frustrating. It's a daily burden that weighs me down.

During the cool down from my run tonight I put on some worship music. When the treadmill stopped I just kept the music playing and turned it back on to a walk. It put things back into perspective. My God is SO big and SO great and SO POWERFUL I CANNOT EVEN FATHOM!! He is SO to be praised even in my horrible junking pain that I'm going through. He is so much bigger than everything I'm going through. I easily forget that, um hello He stinkin' rose from the dead and overcame sickness, death, pain, and sin in millions of people. How can I forget that? How can I forget how amazingly wonderful my God is? It's when I focus on me, me, me, and me that His goodness starts to fade away from my thoughts. That's when I need to turn my attention towards Him and focus my mind on things above and not on earthly things. (Colossians 3:2)

Honestly I'd feel so hopeless in this season of physical pain, and every other season of my life, if I didn't know that God, the Healer, the Almighty One, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords has complete control over my life and He LOVES ME. You see, His love is perfect. It never fails, it never gives up, and is always right. As in His choices are always right for us. Never once will He or has He made a mistake in your life or in my life. He gives ultimate hope beyond any current pain we are in the midst of.

You are not alone and you have HOPE. Unbeatable, crazy, doesn't make sense hope, that is YOURS.

Isaiah 35:4

"Say to those with fearful hearts,

    “Be strong, do not fear;

your God will come,

    he will come with vengeance;

with divine retribution

    he will come to save you.”