Currently & Today (Edition 1)

Currently:
Life is hard.
Homework, tests, quizzes, projects, and school in general is stressful.
I wake up everyday to severe pain and just try to get through the day.
Sleep is my prized treasure, oh wait, hasn't it always been?
Christmas is coming up soon.
I don't understand why it looks like spring outside (i.e. NO SNOW. THIS IS MINNESOTA!!!)
I'm trying to be hopeful for my recovery and be overflowing with thankfulness.
I'm trying to live in the moment, enjoy every part of my life because time passes quicker than I realize and I am SO infinitely blessed it's ridiculous.

Today, life is rough. I could have it a lot worse, I realize that. That is where my thankfulness stems from today. I'm thankful that Jesus has chosen me out of my failure and sin. He has saved me and promised to heal me. This is the promise that I cling to day by day. I cling to the cross because there is nothing else I can hold onto anymore.

So today I will:
Lay on a heating pad to help my back feel better.
Read Lamentations 3 over and over again.
Listen to worship music and sing along, praising my Lord.
Enjoy Starbucks before church with one of my dear friends.
Let out all my frustration and replace it with hope that comes from God.
Cuddle with my dogs because lets face it, they are the cutest things.
Listen repeatedly to this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Khz6ud6wFcw

With Joy,
Janae

P.S. I may or may not have become obsessed with taking pictures of/with my dogs. 

Why Matthew Upsets Me Sometimes

Sometimes the book of Matthew makes me upset.

Don't get my wrong, I love the book of Matthew. Just give me a second to explain.

Right now I'm reading the whole New Testament by the end of the year with Eric Samuel Timm and hundreds of other youth group kids in Minnesota. Currently I'm reading Matthew and Acts.

Again and again and again I've read the words, "Jesus healed (enter person or pronoun here)". I've read it so many times in these past few days it almost makes me upset when I see those words.

A few weeks ago I wrote this post: 16 with an MRI and HOPE which kind of gave a picture of how I'd been feeling up until that point and at that moment. It's almost exactly 5 weeks later and I'm going to be real with you guys because if I'm not honest and open here then what's the point of this blog?

I'm not quite sure how to explain how I've been feeling other than horribly miserable with extreme pain everyday. If you're new to this little (little meaning VERY small) blog, January of 2011 I was in a serious skiing accident which resulted in a concussion and severe pain in my neck, back, and head for about 8 months. I got better. God was so faithful and healed me from my pain! Fast-forward to January 2nd, 2012. I was driving with my dad and the snow on the ground was mostly melted but in the shadows were patches of black ice. The car starts fish-tailing and all control of the car is lost. Our car crashes into a tree and totals the car. My dad hurts his rib and glass is all over everything but after a visit to good ol' North Memorial everything seems to okay physically. I'm extremely scared of riding in cars but that's not what I'm going to talk about. I start to feel not so good a few days later so off to the doctor. He says my muscles are probably just sore from the crash and I continue going to see the Chiropractor as I was doing before my car crash.

Months and months go by with no change. I feel worse and worse. I continually plead with God for healing. I believe that he can heal! I believe it! I've experienced it previously! But still the healing doesn't come. September rolls up and with school starting we need some answers. Why am I not all better yet?  The Chiropractor recommends I go to Physical Therapy and that we see a Neurologist. We head to the Neurologist which is when I wrote that post up there.  He said that I need to go to Physical Therapy and I'll get better in no time. Our insurance agency also sends us to a doctor for a second opinion. He also says, "Go to Physical therapy and you'll be better in six weeks!"

I've gone to Physical Therapy and feel worse. Physical Therapy works for so many people, the doctors obviously wouldn't have told me to get treated there if it didn't work. But for me it didn't. I feel worse than ever before and there are no answers.

The Physical Therapist has no answers for me and doesn't have any idea why I haven't improved in any way. She suggests we go see our family doctor if only to get pain medication so I can feel any bit better.

I hope you understand this is hard to write because this has.been.my.life. I've gotten so good at putting on a happy face, acting like everything's okay that when people see a glimpse of how I truly have been feeling they're shocked, surprised, didn't have any clue.

So now I'm saying how I feel. I feel like my own body is betraying me. I feel upset. I feel frustrated. I feel confused. I feel severe pain.

That whole big long story is the reason I feel upset sometimes when I'm reading Matthew because I've been that person begging at Jesus' feet for healing but instead it hasn't come. I've heard people say, "You just need to have faith that he will do it" and I feel like screaming "YOU DON'T KNOW MY LEVEL OF FAITH AND YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH SO DO NOT EVEN SAY THAT TO ME!" But, obviously I don't because that'd be rude to say right after someone just prayed for me.

You see, this is my life. I keep thinking about when Jesus says, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." (Luke 9:23) And just maybe this is my cross. God loves me so much he would never give me something too heavy for me to bear with his help. He never gives us too much.

I don't know when this pain will go away. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why God hasn't healed me yet. But I do know that he has promised healing.

Our ways are not his ways and our timing is not his timing! One thing that's been difficult for me to understand is why do people die of sickness with God promises healing? God also promises that He will wipe every tear from their eyes. That there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things will have had passed away. (Revelation 21:4) When He says this he's not talking about this time here on earth. Heaven does not equate to Earth. When people pass away do to sickness, then that is when they are forever fully healed. The full healing comes when we are united with Christ forever and we take on our heavenly bodies. God doesn't promise that here on Earth everyone will be healed, he just promises healing.

Whether my healing comes during my time on earth, or my time in Heaven I know it will come. It will come. We hurt in this world because it is full of hurt, it's not perfect, it never will be, and is full of sin.

It's really hard to understand why God has not healed me yet but I will forever take up this cross of mine and follow him while clinging to his promises. The book of Matthew reminds me of my struggles and frustrates me but you know what else it says? The very last sentence is from Jesus, "And surely I am with always, to the very end of the age."

All The Super Single Ladies

Dear Siiiiinnngle Girl (Very Single Girl),

You know who you are. You seem to be the one not getting a date, asked out, or having guys be interested in you. 

You're the girl whose best friends asked out to homecoming, Prom, winter formal, and out in general while you eat ice cream and watch Say Yes To The Dress with your dog. 

You're the girl who's always the just friend to guys and never something more. 

You worry about maybe never getting a date or getting married. Let me just speak something into your life right now, you will get married. You have nothing to worry about! Maybe guys aren't interested in you now. But someday the most amazing guy will be and you'll be glad you didn't waste your time on anybody else. 

Maybe you can't stop thinking about an amazing guy, super amazing. He's everything you want and would love for him to feel the same way about you as you do him. But he likes your best friend. (Yeah this one hurts the world. I can say I feel your pain from personal experience.)

I'm just going to say that either this guy will realize one day what a fool he's been and ask you out or Gods going to one up him like no other. Just you wait. 

Do you worry what's wrong with you? That maybe you aren't pretty enough? Funny enough? Skinny enough? Filled out enough? Smart enough? A little too smart? Not talented enough? Not bubbly enough? The answer is none of those things.

It’s hard to not question why you are still the super single girl in the middle of Couple Central. But just stop putting yourself down. It's not worth it to yourself, God, or your future husband. So many people love you to the moon and back and maybe it’s not a romantic type of love right now, but it is love. More people than you think care about you as a person and don't think less of you because of your unchanging relationship status. 

It’s easy to try to change ourselves in order to please a guy but don't we all want someone who loves us for us? Be the best you that you can be. God sent his one and only son to die on the cross for you; not for the person you’re trying to make yourself into or for you to try to be someone else so don’t even go there. You're truly wonderful. 

Relationships are messy anyways and lead to more heartbreak than you see coming.

 And finally, you think you're the only siiiingle girl out there? Look again. It might seem like everyone is having a "thing" with someone else, dating, engaged, getting crushed on, or even married but look again!

 I'm writing this to you because I am that really single girl. Yeah it is tough but know that this time of being extra single is actually a giant blessing. It looks like an ugly piece of lowering your self esteem but you can make it so much more than that. 

I want you to know that you are worthy of love and are loved.

I want you to promise me you'll never settle for anything less than a Godly gentleman because he gives you a second glance. I want you to stay you because anyone else is a downgrade compared to how you are naturally.

I feel compelled to write this because I need you to know you're not alone and to encourage you because you might feel like junk right now but don’t because there is nothing wrong with you or with being the siiiiiiingle girl. And know that as I write this to you I write this to myself. 

With love,

Your Super Single Sister

16 with an MRI & HOPE

So I haven't written on here in forever but now I am. Your blog shouldn't be something you make yourself write in, it should be beneficial for yourself as well as others. If I don't have something to say then I'm not going to write something I'm half okay with just to see the blog stats go up. That's not what my writing is about. 

This week has been tough. First I had a bad cold, then in turned into something like a horrible flu which I had for three days and made me miss Wednesday and Thursday. The days of two APUSH tests and a Pre-Calc test. Along with this flu-like-whatever-was-going-on in my body, I've been dealing with daily headaches and severe neck, back, and shoulder pain for about 10 months, ever since my car accident the day after this past New Years. Yesterday I went to see the Neurologist and found out that nothing is wrong with my brain that's causing my pain, it's muscles. (Which is really good that I don't have nerve damage or something wrong with my brain because that's serious business!) But that had to do an MRI anyways just to make sure. I'm not even going to go into the whole MRI business, it was torture.

The thing is, I feel like gjklgnlgfjkjsgsf WHY AM I NOT BETTER????? If it is muscles then I should be better by now! I mean for PETE'S SAKE I'M ON 16 NOT 64!!!!! even though I should be rejoicing that nothing more severe is wrong with me. But my pain is still here. It's not going away right away and it's frustrating. It's a daily burden that weighs me down.

During the cool down from my run tonight I put on some worship music. When the treadmill stopped I just kept the music playing and turned it back on to a walk. It put things back into perspective. My God is SO big and SO great and SO POWERFUL I CANNOT EVEN FATHOM!! He is SO to be praised even in my horrible junking pain that I'm going through. He is so much bigger than everything I'm going through. I easily forget that, um hello He stinkin' rose from the dead and overcame sickness, death, pain, and sin in millions of people. How can I forget that? How can I forget how amazingly wonderful my God is? It's when I focus on me, me, me, and me that His goodness starts to fade away from my thoughts. That's when I need to turn my attention towards Him and focus my mind on things above and not on earthly things. (Colossians 3:2)

Honestly I'd feel so hopeless in this season of physical pain, and every other season of my life, if I didn't know that God, the Healer, the Almighty One, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords has complete control over my life and He LOVES ME. You see, His love is perfect. It never fails, it never gives up, and is always right. As in His choices are always right for us. Never once will He or has He made a mistake in your life or in my life. He gives ultimate hope beyond any current pain we are in the midst of.

You are not alone and you have HOPE. Unbeatable, crazy, doesn't make sense hope, that is YOURS.

Isaiah 35:4

"Say to those with fearful hearts,

    “Be strong, do not fear;

your God will come,

    he will come with vengeance;

with divine retribution

    he will come to save you.”

When the Sun Stood Still

The Lord is with his people. He fights for them. He performs miracles for them. He loves them. He will do the impossible. He reassures them (Joshua 10:8). He can confuse the enemy (Joshua 10:10). He can send down hailstones that kill more men than swords (Joshua 10:11). He can make the Sun stand still (Joshua 10:12-14). He makes sure we return home safe (Joshua 10:15). 

This story amazes me because the Lord...

#1. Told Joshua, "Don't worry about it! I've already taken care of it, they've already lost. All you have to do it go out there and finish the job. I'm with you so don't sweat it." This one to me is the struggle. God tells us so many times in the Bible to not worry, how strong he is, how loving he is, how powerful he is, yet I still seem to say, "I, I, I'm really not quite sure... are you sure Lord? Because THIS situation seems pretty darn big! It's SO big!! Do you realize how big it is? Are you sure you can really handle this?!" But, do I think in my head I can do a better job of handling it than God wholly taking control of it? No, if I think about it I really don't think I can. So why do I struggle with handing things over to him? See, God's always told this to us. He's always said that he has ALREADY TAKEN CARE OF IT! So why worry? This is my number one struggle. I'm so thankful that my God is a God of compassion!! 

#2. God went above and beyond his promise. What God originally said to Joshua would have been enough. He said, "Not one of them will be able to withstand you." Which pretty much translates to, "You've already won! Just go out and do your thing!" But he went above and beyond that to help the Israelites! He makes the Gibeonites easier to kill by confusing them and then he sends down monster hailstones to kill the rest of them! You see, God always goes above and beyond when it comes to helping us out in our battles! It might seem like the exact opposite was happening, but he's always right there! The Israelites might have thought that the Gibeonites running around confused made it harder and that the hailstones were coming after then when in reality, THOSE WERE ACTIONS OF GOD! It might seem like attacks are coming at you when they're God helping you out. 

#3. He gave them just what they needed. He made the Sun stand still. Joshua asked God for the Sun to stand still so that they could have enough time to finish the job and God delivered! It also shows the amazing power of prayer! God knew that the Israelites needed extra daylight time to win the battle so he gave it to them! He wants to make sure we succeed and will do what needs to be done so that we will! 

#4. Without the battle God's glory wouldn't have been as evident as it was. That wasn't such a wonderful sentence but it gets across what I'm trying to say. This battle was SO GOD! Who else could confuse and make the enemy not even fight back? And then send giant hailstones to finish the job? BUT, all the while making the Sun stand still in the sky so that the Israelites could fully defeat the enemy? If you feel like your battle is being prolonged, like you're where the Moon is standing still, then know that somewhere else the Sun is standing still! Your dawn will come and you will be able to see the great victory the Lord did when both your Moon and some else's Sun were standing still!! 

It's okay to hurt.

Hurting
Broken
Scarred
Scared
Worried
Crying
Questioning

All traits of being human, but no one wants to anyone else to see that side of them. We all want to put on masks to cover up our mistakes, our sin, our hurt, our past. The last thing we desire is to put on display how we really feel.

I believe this is a problem. The scars we have are because of the past we have, but don't need to hold onto anymore. The scars show the person we once were and what we once went through, and more importantly, how they've shaped us to become the person we are today.

But what if that person isn't so perfect?

No one is! The only perfect human who ever walked this Earth was named Jesus. And let me tell you, in his perfect he never sinned but he did cry. He hurt. He even questioned God. He felt troubled and a little apprehensive. He hurt and has permanent scars. The thing is, he doesn't ever dare hide them. He shows off his scars because it showcases the work of the Father and the gift each one of us is given, whether or not we receive it is left up to us.

Striving for perfection? Jesus is a pretty good model to imitate since he was and is and will be forever, perfect.

Even though John 11:35 is the most well known as the shortest verse in the Bible, "Jesus wept.", it holds so much more! Those two words to me, show Jesus' hurting, emotion, and humanity. It showed his heart.

It showed his heart and love for Martha, Mary, and the other Jews who were weeping with them. He hurt with others when they hurt. He felt their pain and did his best the alleviate that pain. (In this case, he raised Lazarus, their sole reason for weeping, from the dead! What a way to bring relief!)

In our culture, we see hurt as a problem that needs to be covered up because it's not pretty, not perfect. In reality, the most perfect person to walk this Earth, Jesus, hurt!

It's okay to hurt and feel pain, because Jesus even felt hurt and pain. It happens, has happened, and will happen again. It's part of having a heart and being human. But those thorns that cause us horribly pain leave us with ugly scars will one day show the glory of God far better than a smooth clear life. It might not seem like it now, but it will. That's a promise God gives us to hold onto.

Psalm 116:7-9

Be at rest once more, O my soul, 

for the Lord has been good to you.

For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death,

my eyes from tears, 

my feet from stumbling,

that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living. 

George Orwell

I've been reading "Politics and the English Language" by George Orwell for my summer homework for AP Language & Composition. Orwell pretty much says, "Modern English is full of pre-made phrases that really don't mean anything. People want to sound pretty, but in reality, when you think about what you're saying you can see they don't know anything and have no clue what they're talking about. If you're going to write or talk, use words that have meaning, are new and exciting, and aren't misused!"

It's gotten me thinking about how I talk. When I talk, I want people to see who I am and who Jesus is. I don't want to sound like a fool who doesn't understand a lick of what he's saying. It's gotten me thinking about what I sound like when I open my mouth, or type with my fingers, about Jesus. Do I sound like someone who just wants to please a crowd with what I'm saying? Do I think about every word that exits my brain? Do I say the right things so that everyone knows exactly what I'm talking about and what I'm trying to convey?

This is really important to me! I think it should be to everyone. We need to stop making up sentences that just sound good but have no meaning concerning our Savior! Being saved from Hell is a BIG DEAL! Having God with me all the time is a BIG DEAL! How Jesus has changed my life and is changing it every second of the day is a BIG DEAL! I never want anyone to be confused with what I have to say about how great, wonderful, mighty, knowledgeable, powerful, wise, and loving beyond all measure our God is!

I vow to lift praise and honor to my Savior with every word I speak or write so that all will understand who God is and what I'm trying to say!

Why I'm Deleting My Pinterest Wedding Board

(Disclaimer: I’m not saying that everyone needs to do this, I’m just saying for me, myself, this is what I’ve decided is needed to keep my focus on Jesus wholly.)

Songs of Solomon 8:4

Promise me, O women of Jerusalem,

    not to awaken love until the time is right.

More than ever, I’ve been really feeling God saying, “You need to only focus on me.” Now, this is true always, but it’s so much more than just reading my Bible every day. As girl who loves all things romance, love, chick-flick, weddings, etc. I’ve felt like it’s just becoming a distraction from God because He’s the only Guy I need right now and ultimately ever. There are actions that I feel I need to take so I can truly only focus on him.

#1 Deleting My Pinterest Wedding Board
Maybe you’re thinking, “What’s wrong with a wedding board on Pinterest? That’s so harmless!” Once I got a Pinterest and had read this post by Annie I kept thinking about to what she said about being content single.

“If you are constantly thinking about dating or getting engaged or married flee temptation! Putting images of other people's weddings and proposals are only going to keep you believing the lie that everything falls together when you fall into relationship. it isn't true, so stop pinning it as if it were. Flee temptation. Delete the wedding board. Believe me; you will have plenty of time to scour Pinterest when there's a ring on your finger.” 

I think constantly looking at pictures of gorgeous venues, lovely lace dresses, and happy newly married couples draws up, not jealousy but a desire that isn’t needed at this time. I love what Annie said about looking at all the Wedding pictures once you’re engaged, there’ll be plenty of time! God is working out your “happily ever after” right now, so wait on his timing for him to awaken love. Ex. Whenever I’m watching Food Network, I get really hungry for whatever I’m seeing because it looks so delicious.

#2 Stop Reading Nicholas Sparks Books
This one I’ve been thinking about for quite a while and fighting with whether or not I should and whether or not it’s actually necessary because I love love stories. The thing to me is, even though his books are good, they awaken that feeling of need for a relationship and set expectations for future or current relationships that are reasonable. A lot of times I don’t feel as though I want the same kind of relationships that are written about in Nicholas Sparks’ books because they aren’t Christ-Centered and honestly are plainly sexually sinful. (Which I always skip over but it still reinforces the world’s view that purity isn’t valuable.) Ex. Hearing about someone’s vacation and instantly wanting to go there, too. The more you hear about how amazing this place is, the more you want to go to this place.

#3 Thought Control
My thoughts are so powerful, and sometimes they lie to me; so I’m going to fight for what my mind dwells on! Besides just thoughts about relationships, just thoughts that distract from God I need to cast away. The best way for me to focus on God is to fill my mind up with Him so that there’s not room for anything else! At moment the most important things in my life are the people in my life, recovering fully from my car accident & ski accident, school, and Jesus so that’s what I’m going to think about! (Philippians 4:8) Ex. To get an annoying song out of your head, get another stuck there in its place! Works every time.

One of my things to focus on, family.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that right now; I declare publicly that God is going to be my only focus from now on. I have faith that He will awaken the right desires at the right time and has hold of my future better than I ever could.

Your Story

I believe your story, your testimony, whatever you want to call it, is the most powerful weapon for God that you have.

Everyone has a front, a face they put on that the whole world normally sees. It's kind of like your profile picture or twitter account picture. My twitter picture is to the left. You look at it and think I'm generally happy. Like dressing up. Love my family. But, what can you tell about who I really am unless I tell you? A  lot of times, I don't like to tell people who I am, what I've been through, what's been really going on in my life on the inside so the picture on the left is who people really think I am.

I personally, have been hurt in the past, so opening up is sometimes scary. Let's face it, that's how a lot of us feel. We get scared and it keeps us from showing our true colors.

What's worse is, I believe as a child of God, we each have a story. I've shared a little bit of my story of the past year and a half in this post, and I don't think I'm even close to having revealed all God has done in my life and all that I've gone through. God's still working in my life, he's still writing my story. And whatever he writes, I'm called to share.


For me, I have a very tender heart and easily emotional when talking about tough things; which scares me away from sharing my story for fear of just completely losing it. I'm empathetic and my soft nature is part of my story, it makes me relatable. I'll cry with you, hurt with you, and try my best to understand what you're going through and hopefully you'll understand what I'm going through too.

But this fear I have, it's part of my story and it can't hold me back any longer. Tears show sincerity, hurt, love, emotions; none of those are things to be ashamed of.

I believe your story, your testimony, your proof of God in your life, is the most powerful weapon for bringing souls into the Kingdom of God that you have. 


This is why I feel strongly about personally sharing my story and that others should too. What God has done in your life is the one thing that others can never take away from you, you can never forget, and no one can argue with. So next time someone asks you to share, don't be afraid because who's to disagree with YOUR story?

Gross Milk

So last night I had a dream that I was at someones house or something and in their fridge they had whole milk, 2%, 1%, skim and then this other type that I've never seen before that was supposed to have like half the amount of fat as skim milk (which has 0% that's why it's skim) and so I tried it because it was 37 calories! I don't know why I remembered that bit of it but yeah I love milk and 37 is pretty good for milk. Long story short I tried the very watery milk (because how could you get any less calories in milk than skim?) which looked just down right seen through and gross. I think I spit it out because it tasted so bad. I don't know how milk could taste that bad, but it did.


To me, it just seems ridiculous to change milk THAT much to make it low calorie and fat, because at that point it just isn't

even appetizing anymore. Who would want to drink that?


My really weird dream got me thinking about how WE change things so much to please others and ourselves that those things end up tasting bad. We take something good and healthy (like milk) and try to change it so much so that it "looks okay" or is now "acceptable" (37 calories for one cup).


We take exercise, eating right, treating ourselves to not the healthiest foods, tanning, shopping, you name it, to the extreme so that now we "look" good or are now "acceptable" because of what we have or how we look.


I think the biggest one I can think of that we change and limit down so that we "look okay" is Christianity. Maybe that has a bad taste it your mouth.


Well, too many Christians don't take the Bible at what it says, don't know the Word (which I'm really coming to realize about myself, so I'm changing that! ASAP!), and don't take the time to know God. Let's be honest, it takes effort to completely go after Jesus. It's hard, but it's so worth it. All you have to do is try your hardest and you won't leave a poor taste in other's mouths. Even more importantly you won't leave a horrible taste in God's mouth.

Revelation 3:15-16 

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. 

So stop trying to limit God, KNOW your Bible, and don't try to change ANYTHING about yourself to please others because you are perfect how God made you. 

It's a girl thing.

Sadly. This girl this is not a good thing.

I've realized that so many girls struggle with feeling beautiful. Which is ridiculous, because every girl and woman I've met is so stinkin' gorgeous. Maybe there's a hidden population of ladies who are ugly, but so far I haven't seen them!

The thing is, who is to say that you are beautiful? God delights, he jumps up and down, wizzes around in circles with JOY and PRIDE at what he's created each time he thinks of you, which is ALL the time. So, you pretty much make the Lord of all creation giddy 24/7 just because of how you naturally are.

God is the maker of Heaven and Earth and if he thought you weren't perfect, don't you think he would've done something about that by now? Don't you see how beautiful you are?

Satan always wants to get your goat. And if part of that is making you feel bad about yourself, then by all means he's going to do it! He knows the secret. If each and every girl out there knew how wonderful and loved she is by God (and so many others!) she would be confident. And the last thing that Satan wants is a world full of bright, confident, Christian women.

You have to have confidence in who you are and how you are made. We're all made different. Ask a girl who's thin with not much curves who she wants to look. She'll say she wishes she had more curves. Ask a more full bodied and curvy girl how she wants to look and she'll say she wants to be thin and have a smaller chest and butt. That's how it is. But that's NOT how it has to be!

Everyone has days where they feel unhappy with their body. We all have them. I do. A lot more days than I should I feel unhappy with my body. For me, my healthy body is not a size 2, my frame isn't built like that. For some girls, they're made a size 0 that's how they're supposed to be! I think the important thing so to be healthy and to be happy.

On the days you don't feel beautiful on the outside, there's still a way to feel beautiful. It's on the inside. I don't know if you've read Proverbs 31. It talks about well, a godly woman that every girl wants to be. It even gives you instructions on how to become her! What about that! (Click here to read the full chapter! I highly suggest it!)

I especially like 

Proverbs 31:25-26

She is clothed with strength and dignity;

    she can laugh at the days to come.

She speaks with wisdom,

    and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

The key to beauty on the inside is having confidence. Being able to laugh and have joy when things look bleak, scary, and just down right horrible. Being upbeat when you feel like there's no way out, because there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. There is ALWAYS hope. The key is speaking with kindness, wisdom, and uplifting words that help. 

Called

This morning in Sunday school the question was asked, "What do you feel like God is calling you to do?"

Honestly, that's a really tough question to answer sometimes. At some points, I know exactly what it is. At others, I'm totally lost and just trying to trust that God holds my future in his hand and knows my plans.

For the far future I know that I'm called to be a Missionary OB/GYN (Obstetrician&Gynecologist) in Africa and around the world, be specifically Africa. That's where my heart is. And I feel like part of me getting there is me going to Wheaton College for my Undergrad/Pre-Med. It's ranked highly amoung top secular universities but has the strong Christian Conservative atmosphere which is so important to me as well as their strong devotion and tie to missions.

But what about in the short run? In the right now I mean? That's where I sometimes feel lost.

One thing I know is that I'm called to love and to not worry and to live for God.

Big emphasis on the love and the trust part. If I do the first two, then the third is happening. If I'm truly loving others the way Christ does and loving God, then I am living for God.

This past week I went to kids camp with my church as a Counselor in Training and it was one of the best weeks of my life. I was so blessed by those 9 little girls in my cabin. They had no drama, were all well behaved, so funny and entertaining, and they loved me. Not to be conceited or anything, but they did and I love each of them. Their love and affection blessed me this week.

My mom said, "The reason they love you is because you love them."

And that's so true. It's so much easier to love someone when they love you. I felt unconditional love towards each of those girls in my cabin and they just loved right back.

The far left is the counselor and our great Children's Pastor and I'm on the far right of course!
In the middle is our nine girls (:
This was at laser tag on the first day of camp!

Jesus loves me just like I love those girls, but even more amazingly and unconditionally. I would probably get upset and angry and not want to be around one of them if they hurt me really bad, annoyed me to the ends of the earth, cut off my hair, or insulted me.

Good thing I'm not Jesus. Because if Jesus acted like I might to those little girls who I love so so so so so much, then I would just have no hope. Let's face the truth, we're all sinners (Romans 3:23 you know the one.) and have no chance of trying to live good enough to get to heaven. Not even the most "perfect" person would be close enough to just make it into heaven on the seat of their pants without Jesus.

WITH Jesus, the worst person you can think of can fly in higher than anyone else. WITH Jesus we can all be saved and spend eternity with Him forever. With no fear, worry, or pain. And with everlasting love abounding in every way.

The key is repentance. We're all called to repentance and redemption through Jesus. I'm called to repentance and redemption right now too so that I can love and live for God.

Romans 3:22-24 

This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.  

So to answer the first question, I'm called by God to love others as best as I can no matter what, trust Jesus, and know that I am saved through Jesus only because I am a sinner, saved by grace. It's hard to not get caught up in thinking that good deeds alone with save us.

Fear

So maybe I shouldn't be writing this at 12:43 am in my very emotional state I'm in right now. It's been a little bit oh a doozy of a week to say the least. I've cried a lot and laughed and cried and laughed and gotten not as much sleep as I need and what put me over the edge to blubbering away to my mom on our deck while the mosquitoes ate us alive was almost running over a deer while driving home a few hours ago. Let me just saw thank goodness for moms, sweat shirts that are okay if mascara and tears get all over them, the stars at night, and the wondering wicker love seat on our deck. I don't know where I'd sit in the summer if it weren't for that thing. Let's just saw\y I'm having a trust issue right now with one person. And that person is God.

I'm Facebook chatting (yes people still do that every so often) with one of my best friends and I just kinda vented to her about what I'm going through and how hard it is to trust God. It's not easy folks! It's hard to give up control and all my insecurities and just leave it in God's hands. He gives me every example of his strength and power and control. Still I'm just a stubborn mule. The thing that really gets me is fear. The Enemy gives me every example too of things I could be afraid of. One thing I'm realizing is that those "examples" from the Devil are examples of people trying to control their lives and not God.

That's one thing about the Devil. You. Are. Smarter. Than. Him. When. You. Have. JESUS. 


These things he tries to throw at me are really things God is going to and is already using to break me free from bondage of fear I'm in.

I feel like everyday God shows me ways that he is in control. The sun rises. I'm breathing. My family is healthy. I got through the school year. I have tons of blessings around me called friends and family.

Honesty: Sometimes in my thick head, I can't see the goodness around me in a certain situation and it makes me doubt the goodness of God's plan.

Honesty also: Sometimes I'm stupid. And sometimes I read Bible verses like this

Psalm 23:6  Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the LORD forever. 

and this

Jeremiah 29:14  I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

and it smacks me in the face saying, "WOMAN! DON'T YOU GET IT? MY PLAN IS WAY BETTER THAN YOURS GET OVER YOURSELF! I MAKE PROMISES AND KEEP THEM! "

Since by this time it's 1 am and I'm a little out of it sorry for anything that doesn't make sense.

Anyways. What I'm trying to say is, it's HARD to trust God. I think everyone struggles with it. Well maybe not everyone but I sure do. I struggle with trust and fear and so if you struggle with fear like I do, then you should memorize these verses because honestly they comfort me so much.

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid!" (Jesus)

Matthew 17:7 But Jesus came and touched them. "Get up," he said. "Don't be afraid."

Luke 12:32 "Do not be afraid, little flock for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom."

Mark 4:40 He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

Broken

Sometimes there's things even glue won't fix. Sometimes there's hurts that take forever to heal. Sometimes the pain is just for a moment. And sometimes it feels like the brokenness can never be fixed.

Let me just tell you right here and now, I'm a crier. I cry when I see other people cry. I cry during sad movies. I occasionally cry of happiness. I cry when I'm sad. I cry when I'm mad. I cry when I'm hurt. I cry when I feel broken.

I feel like personally our culture says that it's okay to show your emotion and your hurt but really it's hard. I feel like we all feel as though if we show our jagged edges and gaps everyone will see. And they'll judge and they won't accept us and no one will understand. I know I feel that way. It's hard to open up. Especially when I really open up I start to cry. My mascara runs (I know I'm a girly girl and maybe that's super ridiculous but I still don't like it) and my nose runs and my eyes get all puffy and red and you can tell I've been crying.

Times in my life I have been hurt by people I opened up to and trusted. I've also learned that when I open up, more times than the hurtful ones, I've been so blessed because of it. There's such an emphasis on perfection that when you show your scars and your imperfection, people notice. In a good way. They see the cracks and realize they're not alone. It's a wonderful thing to know you're not alone. And let me tell you, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There's people hurting in the ways you are too. It's hard to see behind the walls we put up but once you take them down, the healing can become. When you let people inside your walls, they can bring their loving arms and words of encouragement and their fixing materials.

When I've been vulnerable to people in my life that I admire and trust and are women of God, they've prayed for me, lifted me up, and let me know I'm not alone. I'm not the only one who's struggling. I'm not the only one who's sick and tired and feels like I can go on.

Know that you ARE NOT ALONE!

If you feel like there's no one for you to open up to, let me let you in on a secret. #1. Pretty much 99% of the time your parents (YES I SAID PARENTS AND I AM A TEENAGE GIRL) have wisdom and knowledge they can't wait to share with you! Your parents love you more than anybody else and will sit and talk with you and listen to you and share things they've learned and I know if you just listen too you'll see what a blessing they are in your life. Okay #2. God is listening. Most people probably think Jesus has no clue what hurting is like. I mean he's God and perfect and so he probably never felt the pain that I feel, right? Right? Wrong. Sorry to burst your bubble. But even Jesus felt hurt. He feels hurt. He cried. He felt angry. He had emotions. He was happy. He even felt alone and like God had left him right before he was crucified on the cross. Now there's somethin'! Jesus understands when you feel alone, when you feel like no one wants you or loves you, when you fail a test or even class, when you feel disappointed with yourself. Jesus felt the loneliness so that you never ever have to. As a Child of God, God will never leave you or harm you! He's got your back and understands your problems.  #3. This might sound cliche or not good in your ears, but there are people in your church that love you and are trustworthy. They are there. Chances are that there's at least one person in your church that has gone through something similar to you and I KNOW there is at least one person who is willing to take time to just listen to you and lift you up.

When I cry, I almost always try to cover it up. I feel like people stare at me and wonder, "Oh what's wrong with her?" but mostly when I cry, some one who was sent from God to me asks me what's wrong or what's up or just sits there and maybe cries with me or just sits there comforting me or prays for me. They almost always pray. And I believe in the healing power of prayer. It lets me know that I am NOT ALONE.

I guess what I want to say here is that it's okay to be broken. It's okay to be upset. Things get better. It's totally okay to cry because sometimes that's the only vent for all the hurt to go out of. Jesus understands. And more than anything else YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

If you're feeling broken and a bit dusty listen to this. 

John 11:35 Jesus wept.

Matthew 27:45-46 Now from noon until three, darkness came over all the land.  At about three o’clock Jesus shouted with a loud voice,  “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” that is, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

Mark 3:21 When his family heard this they went out to restrain him, for they said, “He is out of his mind.”

John 7:5 For not even his own brothers believed in him.

youtube lovin'

Genesis 21:6 God has given me laughter!

I now interrupt this normal blog post for some of my favorite hilarious youtube videos because we all need a little extra laughter in our days, especially one Mondays! 

Glozell. She's timeless and hilarious and I feel bad laughing so hard at this video but it's impossible to not laugh your sides out.

Again. Glozell. You can skip until like the last third of the video, honestly that's the.best.part. 

Part 1. I first saw this on this girls blog. If you don't follow her blog, do it. You'll get hooked, especially as she's sharing the story of her and her fiance. You'll get hooked instantly. 

And then  there's the sequel. So funny. 

I really don't understand why I think her videos are so funny and but they are, and she has more just like this one so you should spend like half an hour on youtube and watch them if you think this one's funny!

Okay this one really doesn't make any sense why it cracks me up but my oldest brothers girlfriend showed it to me and everything we watch together is instantly 10000000x funnier. 

She also showed me this one. 

And this is us watching it last January. Maybe that's embarrassing, maybe not... 

I know I love to laugh and it's a great stress reliever so I hope you thought some of these videos were funny (: 

God Bless and it's almost summer!! 

Alone with God

In my devotional it was talking about being alone with God and the importance of taking that time to be alone with God. It briefly mentioned the bible verse where Jesus says that when you pray to go into your closet, shut the door, and then pray. Pretty much the only times I've hears this verse used is when talking about praying in secret so to not be boastful. But how much space and noise is in a closet? I’m thinking not much (maybe I’d like my closet to have more space like any girl would but...), so you're pretty much alone if you're in your closet unless you're playing hide and go seek or sardines but back to praying. So you go into your closet, shut the door, and its small dark and quiet. This sounds like you're alone and then you're praying, so you're alone with God. There's no room for other things in the closet because you're in there and then God. 


It's important to be alone with God, away from all the distractions and worries and problems of the world. Sometimes in this crazy world it's extremely hard to just concentrate on God but without taking time to focus on God, you're relationship will start to go downhill. All relationships are two way streets. No exceptions. If you don't put effort in, you'll reap no rewards!


I believe so much in the power of prayer when more than one of us are praying but for individual growth in our relationship with God it’s important to have one on one time. It’s hard to become super close with a friend if you're always with them in a group, so why would it be different with God?

Mark 1:35 Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.

Matthew 6:6 But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

Car Crashes to Scarlet Fever: Scared of them all.

Also, I just found out about what this guy did, but it's still an amazing worship song. Don't hate on the song and Hillsong because of what Michael Guglielmucci has done, they didn't have any idea. 

This song has always been pretty powerful to me since 8th grade when I was having bad health issues. I distinctly remember singing my heart out in worship with this song one Wednesday night at youth group last year. If you didn't know, I got into a bad skiing accident January of last year which gave me chronic back pain, neck pain, and headaches. I tried everything to stop the pain from my injury but nothing was working and I was singing out to God, "I believe you're my healer! Heal me! How much more can I take??" because honestly I'd been telling myself over and over again and others that God will heal me and I'm just waiting on him to do it, whenever he does it; but it's still so hard to really believe it. As summer started to roll out I finally got completely better, God followed through.

Almost exactly one year after my ski accident I was in bad car accident giving me problems similar to my ski injury but worse. I’m still recovering from it. I do believe now that with all my heart God is my healer.


To take kind of an opposite direction, I’m naturally a fearful person. Protective, motherly, fearful, cautious, oh and very emotional; that’s me. My car accident kind of started me on not a good path to being too fearful. Right after my car accident I was scared of being in a car. Then I was scared of driving, which is sort of a necessity. I eventually got over those; well the driving still scares me a little bit. Anyway, the school year got harder and harder so naturally I got more and more exhausted. In February, we started reading The Bell Jar, the book I posted about a little while ago. It bothered me a lot. It made me freaked out and paranoid that I would like her go crazy and do what she attempted to do. If you know me, this is really illogical. I love life and would never do such a thing. It still scared me.

Then, in the days afterwards the topic of suicide came up again and again and happened to someone from the high school I would have gone to in Oregon. I was beyond freaked out. Normally I would be freaked out about something but would then realize it wouldn’t happen. Ex. After I read Little Women when Beth died of Scarlet Fever I was soooooo worried I too would died from Scarlet Fever. Then I found out that the disease is extinct and even if I did have it we would just go to the doctor and I’d be fine.

Still, this was real though. It was close to me and nothing had ever scared me more. I was emotionally exhausted and scared while my body was trying to piece itself back together in the middle of my stress and little amounts of sleep. Every day I have to remind myself that God is with me all the time. He is all that I need. I have to remind myself of this verse that I’ve memorized and held close to my heart.

Psalm 91:7 A thousand my fall at my side, ten thousand at my right hand, but it will not come near me.
As long as I have Jesus I know that I will be fine. My fear about grades, sickness, going crazy, all of it, has no place in my life when Jesus is there. The Devil is the father of lies and God is the God of truth!

2 Timothy 1:7 God has not given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love and a sound mind.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that everyone that has Jesus has nothing to fear. God is your shield and rampart and will not let your foot slip! And you’re not the only one afraid of the future, everyone has dealt with it, but the thing is, everyone can have freedom too, through Jesus Christ!

P.S. It's almost summer! Here's a picture gorgeous picture (hahaha oh my backyard taken with my cellphone but still...) of God's goodness (:

Like Boo

You know this little girl right? Boo, from Monsters Inc? Well sometimes I feel a whole lot like her.

Do you know the scene where Sully does the scare demonstration for Mr. Waternoose and Boo sees? (I've seen this movie too many times.) Well if you don't remember or haven't seen the movie, you should watch it, and what happens is Boo is scared out of her mind. She's come to love Sully and before that time couldn't see him as scary. She saw him as her protector and friend. 

This is the reason sometimes I feel like Boo. I've gone through my life and hit bumpy patches and had struggles but nothing that really made me question God. Nothing that shook my foundation up so that I felt completely lost, kinda like Boo. But, within the last few years, especially this past year, I've been shook up. I've felt lost, and so scared and most of all so confused as to what happened to the God I used to know that was my protector and friend. The things that happened to me lead me to, I feel like continually, ask God, "Why is this happening?? Why? I just really do not understand right now!" 

What I've found out through the extremely rough patches is that God IS my protector and friend. This might be a little cheesy but here's the connection, Boo found out by the end of the movie that Sully was who she thought he was in the beginning. It seemed like what he was doing was horribly mean and nasty, but really it was all for her own good because he loves her. The same holds true for me and God. Sometimes it truly, truly seems like what God's doing is horribly mean and nasty and only brings pain but in the end it all works out for my good because He LOVES me! 

Psalm 5:11-12 

But let all who take refuge in you be glad;

let them ever sing for joy.

Spread your protection over them,

that those who love your name may rejoice in you.

For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous;

you surround them with your favor as with a shield.

Liiiight

When I was listening to this song I thought about in Genesis 1:3-5 where it says: 

And God said,“Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness.God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.

Before that whole world was in darkness. Even with the sun giving light during the day and the stars and moon at night, the world was still lacking the true light until Jesus came. Now, anyone at anytime can have true everlasting light through Him. 

People are constantly searching for this light with worldly things. If we don't show the light that we have within, how will anyone else find the light? 

If we were all walking around in dark tunnels underground and some of us had night vision and flashlights but didn't tell anyone or shared our light, what good would it do anyone else? No one else would benefit from your sight when everyone could be! 

I think it is hard to get the nerve to share our faith with those around us. But, we have the light and power of GOD running through us. God says, "It's not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit." Just tap into the spiritual power of God that's waiting to be used. Turn on your flashlight and shine! 

The Cut

When growing grapes for wine the gardener cuts off the first crop of fruit of the season so that they can to the good stuff. The grapes that grow back in place of the first grapes are heartier and have a better flavor.

Jesus talked about pruning in John 15:2.

He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every 

branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.

In my life when I find things getting cut away it makes me scared. I’m like the plant that’s full of fruit and vines. But, as it’s hard for a plant to know which fruit is good to eat, and which are not, sometimes I’m naïve and unaware. I see fruit and assume that it must be great! “Look at all this stuff in my life! Busy and productive is good!” seems to be the thought running through my head, or even “I’m not doing enough! Why am I slacking behind everyone else?!?!” So when things are taken away from my life, I freak out even more!

I’m slowly learning that getting things cut away can be a good thing, a God thing.

God is the Master of the vineyard. He knows all about the vines, what grapes are good to eat, what vines hurt the pants, and how to make the most out of every plant. His garden shears come out and I start stressin’. I’m too wrapped up in my own vines to see the goodness of some of them going away.

Through my life, as short as it has been so far, the things that have been cut out have, believe it or not, benefited me. Unhealthy relationships, habits, or things that could have lead to even more hurt, were seen by the Master Gardener before I even saw a glimpse of the trouble.

So next time God takes out his big ole clippers to do some heavy pruning and weeding, don’t freak out. What gets cut out now will only make room for much better, healthier fruit to grow in its place.

Sun and Moon

Here are some random facts about the Moon:

• The moon orbits Earth at an average speed of 2,288 miles per hour
• The Moon takes about 27 days (27 days, 7 hours, 43 minutes, 11.6 seconds) to go all the way around the Earth and return to its starting position.
• The surface of the Moon has about the same area as the continent of Africa.
• The surface of the moon has many things on it such as craters, lava plains, mountains, and valleys.

When I was little, I no doubt thought that the moon made it's own light, just like the sun. As with other things I found out weren't true when I was younger, I was really shocked to learn that the sun reflected off of the plain old hunk of rock that is the moon, making it shine to us. 

I think the moon is a good representation of us as Christians and particularly myself (since I know myself better than I know anyone else). The moon is just a really plain object that orbits earth by itself. But, there's something more. There's something that makes the moon shine unlike the other random pieces of rock that float around in space. The sun! It shines onto the moon and reflects it's warmth and light onto earth. 

Just like the moon, Christians are regular people by themselves. But, we have something more, something that makes us shine in the dark to others on earth. There's something we have and that's God's SON Jesus! Without him we are just humans living our lives on earth. Because of him, we are now not of this earth. Our home is in heaven.

We, however, are citizens of heaven. We look forward to the

Lord Jesus Christ coming from heaven as our Savior. 

Philippians 3:20 

Sit Child

Sometimes I feel so childlike. When I'm upset I love the things that have always comforted me. Hugs, encouraging words from my Mom, sitting at the feet of my mom while she plays my hair and talks to me, or doesn't say anything. Mothers are just comforting, thank God for that.

This morning as the pastor walked up on the stage and asked the band to just play through the part where the lyrics say, "We will overcome, by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, everyone overcome" he talked a little bit about worry; the topic of today's sermon. He said that fear and worry load us down and make us weary. What we need to do is just sit like a child at the feet of God. 

I thought about how fearful I am and bogged down with worry. Sometimes it's too much, but God does give us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). One of the things I love most about God is he is a comforter. He is what we need and for me that's him being my Abba the comforter. God wants us to sit as his feet and be comforted. When we come to him he takes away all our burdens as Jesus said, 

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” in Mathew 11: 28-30. If you're a child of God, then act like one. As when you were little coming to your parents feet to find comfort and rest, come to God! Rest at his feet and in his comfort. The Bible says that God gives us a peace and understanding that surpasses everything. God gives us shalom, perfect peace making us lack nothing but being completely whole, no deficiency. 

Use your sword!

Psalm 91:7
A thousand may fall at my side,
Ten thousand at my right hand,
But it will not come near me.

Through the past weeks, this verse has become so powerful. I've been feeling like evil is everywhere, and there's so much of it. I've been giving the devil so much more power than he has when God is on my side. It's extremely important to know that as Christians we have an enemy that comes to seek, kill, and destroy but we also have to know that God is so much more powerful. God made the heavens and the earth, you, me, the angels, and yes the demons and Satan. You know the phrase dad's say a lot, "I brought you into this world, I can take you out"? Well the same thing applies with Satan. God has ALL the power. I'm naturally I fearful person. Too much fear is paralyzing me and God says to not be afraid. He tells us time and time again, "Don't be afraid" or "fear not" in the Bible and I believe directly through the Holy Spirit. The God I believe in and live for is one that never lies and is the God of protection and comfort. So, if this is the God that is real and in the Bible, then why would he tell us to not be afraid if there was any reason to be? In the verse above, it I've replaced the you's with my's or me because this is something that we can declare if we are children of God. I say to myself a lot that a thousand may fall at my side, ten thousand at my right hand, but it will not come near me. The bad things that happen to other people will not come and infect me and happen to me that are evil because God says that it will not come near me. It's hard to trust but every time I have trouble I grab my sword of the spirit, remember my helmet of salvation has never left my head, and fight with this verse and chapter. God is on your side and the evil will NOT come near you! 

Weakness

So I took a very unplanned break from blogging. I'm not going to go into every detail because this blog isn't about me ultimately. It's all about God.

I've I guess, really realized how weak I am this past month and half. How much I need God, more than I ever realized. I've been scared and stressed and freaked out and the only option is running. You can either run to God, or run from Him but one will save you and one will send you straight to the place no one wants to go. 

Most every Christian has heard the verse about God's strength being perfected in our weakness and that is so true! Even though I am weak, God is the strongest most powerful thing there is. He is in me! He is in everyone who believes in him and completely follows after Him no matter what the cost. 

We are weak but He is SO strong.

Psalm 28:7-8


The LORD is my strength and my shield; 
    my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. 
My heart leaps for joy 
   and I will give thanks to him in song. 
The LORD is the strength of his people, 
    a fortress of salvation for his anointed one. 

Worship

Worship should be completely for HIM. When I worship I want that total surrender and complete reverence for God that gives me shivers, tears, joy, and wholeness. Worship shouldn't be about how well you sing, how high you lift your hands, whether you can clap along to the beat, or what you look like to the cute guy sitting in the pew behind you. NONE OF THAT SHOULD MATTER!! Worship isn't about us, it's the one time where it's easiest to focus on us when it should be completely about HIM. If you're worrying about what others think about you while you worship the King, they don't matter. How great and holy are they if they're staring at you instead of into the face of Jesus?? Hint: Probably not very! 


I LOVE worship. It's one of the ways I just fall into the arms of Jesus and let go. And sometimes it becomes so much more than that, more than what it is. Worship isn't just singing because in fact that's only one way to worship God. 


Worship: 
      noun- The expression of adoration and reverence, a way in which love is shown or expressed 
      verb- To honor, love, and regard with adoring esteem and devotion 


See singing in there? I don't. I think we as followers of Christ are called to live a life of Worship! 24/7 we should be living in a way that expresses our devotion and love to God. It shouldn't be a scheduled half hour to forty-five minutes every Sunday morning and Wednesday night. It should be all the time. 


So lets just say we're talking about worshiping with our voices with song during Church, don't let anything hold you back from praising God the way you want and surrendering everything to him. What's wrong with how you sing? God MADE you to be like that and to sing to HIM in that voice! And what's wrong with dancing up and down for joy at what the LORD has done in your life and will do in your life? Nothing! In Psalms 149:3 it says, 

"Let them praise his name with dancing
and make music to him with timbrel and harp."

Don't live your life trying to please other people, live a worshipful life that pleases God and shows your love, devotion, and adoration! 

Have a lovely week! 

Janae